All In The Family
by RedAlert98
Summary: Advice for surviving a family reunion? Bring your best friend with you. Rated T for safety. Friendship, Humor, #they're not a couple, updates will occur weekly
1. Chapter 1

Dick fidgeted in his seat, excited and nervous as they got closer to their rural destination. Wally was beside him in the backseat, on his phone saying, "yes mom, okay mom, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay love you too; bye, bye, bye, yes I know, okay _bye_."

Farm fields flew by them, with Aunt Iris at the wheel and Barry sitting shotgun. They were both laughing at Wally once he finally hung up with his mom. The sulking was to be expected.

"Alright boys, now listen up," Iris said after a moment; "Remember the rules, and don't do anything to compromise yourself. That includes your civilian identity, Dick. Wally, you know the ropes, help him out. Now I know that deep down you two are not _total_ idiots, so be smart, be polite, and try not to feel overwhelmed. Wally, you are familiar with only a handful of the relatives here; don't hide in the attic with the other kids alright, it's a family reunion, so UNITE a little, okay? Dick, there are people here who are well past their 80's, so don't be giving any heart attacks by climbing onto the barn roof."

Wally and Dick both said, "Okay Aunt Iris," at the same time.

"So your mom is already there?" Dick asked Wally.

"Ya, she always gets there 2 days ahead of time to help get everything ready. And dad arrived yesterday with the gran and gramps, and according to them we are pretty much the last to arrive. Are we making it too obvious that we don't want to go?"

"Wally," Iris scolded

"Come on Aunt Iris, you hate this just as much as I do. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't hate these things."

"Wallace, I can't look you in the eye because I am driving and would prefer not to make the reunion into a funeral by dying in a car crash."

"See, told ya, couldn't do it." Wally smarted off, making the adults roll their eyes.

Wally then imitated a high pitched voice, going, "oh Iris honey it's so wonderful to see you! Are you thinking about children anytime soon? Oh your hair hasn't changed one bit, you should do something nice with it! How is Barry? Is he still at his old job? He spends too much time away from home if you ask me. We should get together more often darling!"

Iris and Wally kept continued to make the drive entertaining with their banter as the farm scenery passed them by. Dick was just really happy he was able to convince Bruce to let him come along.

He'd never been to anything like this before, so even though Wally dreaded family reunions with every fiber of his being, Dick was looking forward to a guaranteed crazy experience. It took some prep though, getting ready; couldn't come as Richard Grayson, after all. Which was why he had dyed his hair blonde and gave it a slightly spiky style, wore green contact lenses, discreetly used makeup to make his facial features appear sharper than what they were, and just for extra precaution, had glasses on as well. The latter might seem like a weak attempt at disguise, but it apparently worked for Superman.

After they'd taken care of Dicks appearance, Wally had begun to worry about the story. He figured it'd be fine for Dicks name to be Rick while they were there, made slip ups more avoidable and easier to cover up. However, the main issue Wally saw was what was Dick doing there. Basically, family reunions consisted of blood relations, spouses, offspring, and of course the future additions to the family, which weren't official yet so are called boyfriends/girlfriends. Cause seriously. Who else has any business being there?

Now while Wally usually found it amusing when people mistook him and Dick as a couple, he did NOT like the idea of his entire extended family thinking him and Dick were an item.

Not. Cool.

So they'd just decided to mix things up, and every time someone would ask, they would tell them that Dick was Wally new adopted brother. Or was aunt iris's secret child. Or had showed up in a basket on grans doorstep when he was 7 years old and she'd been quietly raising him since then. Or he was a foreign exchange student and only spoke German. (Or he'd been living under the porch and accidentally ate the rat poison they left out and they felt bad about it so took him in. Or they hired him to paint the mailbox and he had agreed to as long as they pay for his meals and overnight expenses. He was mute. Wally's amateur internet stalker. Time traveler, aka Wally's future grandson.

The idea with the story was to go big or go home, so they were going to go as big as possible cause Wally damn well wanted to go home.

Iris had gotten the upper hand and last laugh in the argument with Wally, so the speedster 2.0 was pouting and complaining about how long it took to get there.

The entire reason they reunion was held out in the country was because it was really the only place big enough for such a large gathering. Apparently it was Wally's great aunts place they were headed to, with several acres, a huge house, a beautiful gothic barn, a machine shed, plus a few smaller miscellaneous building and garages.

"The house isn't big enough for everyone to sleep though," Wally told him, "so since it's a two day affair, some relatives get a hotel, a handful bring campers, they have us kids sleep in either the basement, attic, or the barn. Now the hayloft in the barn has a bunch of raccoons up there and they're mean so we don't go there, the basement is haunted and you know homey don't play that, so that really just leaves the attic which used to be a bedroom so it's nice, but is used a bit for storage now, and of course for us to lay our weary heads to rest. During family reunions, at least. So I hope you don't mind sleeping on the floor dude; I mean, I know you're used to sleeping on a double decker super duper downy California king sized luxury machine mattress."

"Shut up, West,"

"Yes your majesty."

About 30 minutes and a few road games later Iris announced in an overly cheerful voice, "We're here!", and they pulled into a gravel driveway.

"...Where's the house?" Dick asked, looking at the pasture around them as they drove.

"Behind that big grove of trees," Wally informed him, pointing ahead of them.

"...is she a recluse?" Dick asked, puzzled.

"Yep."

"But...she hosts the family reunion?"

"Yep."

"It's how she stays on top of the gossip of what's going on in everybody's life, that's her way of staying busy." Iris explained.

"So a nosy recluse."

"Yes."

"Isn't that some kind of oxymoron?"

"Dick, you'd best prepare yourself for a lot of morons, cause we've officially, arrived," she replied; they'd turned the corner around the trees, revealing a beautiful Victorian style farm house, a red and white gothic barn, and a smattering of other buildings here and there as well, just as expected...

Plus one might mention the cars and campers, at least 25 of them (mostly cars) everywhere. The adults were outside talking in groups around tables full of food, some were rushing in and out of the house, and others walking from one building to another, while a posse of kids ran across the front porch. The age ranges differed, and the oldest seemed to have separated themselves from the others; they were sitting nearby on some low hanging tree branches.

Dick suddenly had a bout of butterflies in his stomach. They parked amid the chaos and climbed out of the car; Wally looked like he was ready to super speed on out of there, and Dick was suddenly half tempted to ride piggyback. Shaking the feeling, he walked bedside Wally as they followed Iris and Barry.

Several ladies immediately flocked around Iris, hugging her and whatnot. He heard someone say, "oh Iris honey it's so wonderful to see you!", but knew way better than to bring it up to Iris. He then saw Wally's mom wave from the front porch; a handful of kids noticed, and followed her line of sight. In the blink of an eye Wally was mobbed by 4 toddlers, ranging from around 3 to 6 years old; hugging his legs and pulling his arms, they loudly demanded that he pick them all up.

"Hogtie him, guys!" one of the older teens sitting on branch yelled, which prompted another one to call out.

"Hey Walls, who's your boyfriend?!"

* * *

Well we all knew that was coming, Lol. Should I have just named it We're Not a couple 2. 0, haha


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Walls, who's your boyfriend?!"

Wally immediately shouted back, "He was artificially grown in Star Tech Labs, I'm just bringing him along as part of his human conditioning!"

The little kids were still physically harassing Wally, who picked up 3 of them, and let the last one koala-latch onto his leg. While Wally trudged the remaining distance to the front door with his heavy cargo, they were all talking at once; Dick was able to pick up a few things they said, such as "Mom's pregnant!", "I lost a tooth!" "Wally I swallowed a bug again!" "Can't you go faster?!" "Nana is makin' garlic meatloaf and it smells BAD!" "Mindy peed her pants yesterday!"

Wally greeted his mom when he finally reached the porch; she laughed in response. Apparently she found his plight amusing.

"Fresh caramel popcorn in the kitchen, guys!" His mom addressed the toddlers. Maybe she was sympathetic after all.

As quickly as they'd mobbed Wally, the little kids ditched him, stampeding into the house and presumedly towards the kitchen. Mrs. West fondly watched them go, then turned to Wally with a reminiscent smile and said, "I remember when you were that age, just adorable. Biggest mouth and brain I'd ever seen on a child."

"Mom, come on! Not in front of him!" Wally complained, motioning towards Dick, who wore a gloating grin.

"Nice to see you dear! I've got to go help Nan, now both of you stay out of trouble, and no corrupting the little tikes!"

After she left, Wally said, "She means you."

"Pfft, as if."

Their attention was suddenly diverted to a cringing level of high pitched barking from just inside the house. Two girls and one boy ran out, all around preteen age. They were screaming, "Demon Chihuahua! Demon Chihuahua!" as they blew past them, the boy grabbing a last second high five from Wally.

The older teens had made their way over to Wally, the tallest one grabbing him in a headlock and giving him a noogie, while several others slapped him on the back or gave him a side hug, all talking at once. There were so many redheads Dick was about to make a Weasley's comment, but decided to bring it up when it was just him and Wally.

"Guess what Walls, Gramma brought Angel!"

"What?!" Wally exclaimed, rubbing his head and looking at them all in horror.

"Who's Angel?" Dick asked him.

"Who's he?" they asked Wally, regarding Dick.

"Angel is my grandmother's cat," Wally told his friend, ignoring his cousins.

Dick's eyebrows shot up at this. The legendary grandmother's cat. Wow.

"And the Demon chihuahua?"

"We call it Lester." Wally told him darkly.

"That's not it's real name though," a girl with brunette hair piped up and told Dick.

"It's part of his title, Lester the Molester," the guy who noogied Wally added.

Dick's face must have been the epitome of 'WTF', because most of the teens started laughing. Wally explained further.

"If there is anything on the ground - small child, pillow, Angel the cat - Lester will hump it."

"And it's real name?"

"Honey Boo Boo."

"Dear God."

A woman with curly, red, bobbed hair suddenly burst through the front door, tittering at all of them to visit with the rest of the family inside, "They're dying to see all of you! Oh, who's this?" she then asked, looking at Dick.

"He's conducting a social experiment and will be reporting his findings to the government, so with any luck everyone here will be investigated and they'll put Uncle Ozzie in jail," Wally smarted off,

"Oh hush you," she scolded, and finished herding them all inside.

It was an old fashioned country house, probably built around 1910 and remodeled maybe 30 years ago. Very quaint, beautiful, victorian feel to the inside. However, it did seem a bit overcrowded. Wally and him made their way through the people, and one of Wally's slightly younger cousins stuck by their side.

"So what are the stats, Donnie?" Wally asked.

"Well Irene had a baby, Ozzie's got a new gold digger, Jamie got a girlfriend, Trev is in Juvie, Carla and Steve are getting a divorce, there's 3 new engagements but I don't know exactly of who, and my mom and Aunt Sara are pregnant. Business as usual."

"And you?"

"Won the Science fair in my town, pretty sweet deal, will tell you about it later. Who's the tag along?"

"This is Rick, just a friend who didn't believe me when I told him stories of family reunions, so I brought him along to see for himself."

"Bad idea mate."

"I'm right here you know," Dick interjected as they talked as though he wasn't there. It was mildly annoying. Wally then started running a commentary about the relatives they passed; Donnie hung around with them.

"That's Aunt Carla, she's on her 3rd divorce, wouldn't that be right Donnie? Over there is Uncle Ozzie, he's sleaze, got well off by running scams, always has a gold digger 30 years younger than him on his arm. The lady talking to my mom is Donna, one time she lost a bet and had to eat a friend chicken head. My dad's parents are over there, you know them, and the guy on the floral sofa with his feet on the coffee table about to get told off, that's Randy, he has a llama farm. I have no idea who those people over by the grandfather clock are, or that lady, or him, or whoever that is either. Everyone (meaning us kids) is trying to make it to the attic, looks like most of them have made it there already. Now the cousins; a bunch of them are country kids, I like to call them hicks but last time I did that they put a snake in my tent, so I don't do that anymore. Ian's dad is American and mother is British so it's a riot, one second he'll be saying 'Well I'll be gobsmacked' in a complete British accent then he'll follow up with 'AY YO MA!', doesn't even realize why everyone ends up laughing. Donnie here lives in Albany, with his 4 sisters. Jamie is the oldest, the jerk who headlocked me earlier. And there's a dozen more but I'll just tell you their names when we see them upstairs."

Wally stopped to catch his breath, but not ever 2 seconds later Donnie gasped, hit Wally on the shoulder as a warning, then ducked out of sight. Wally whispered in horror to himself, "Nana!" grabbed Dick by the shirt sleeve and turned around, but they were blocked from the hallway and door, literally trapped until the current group finished passing through. It only took 4 seconds for them to get an opening, but suddenly an old, scratchy voice yelled, "Ah ha!" and a frail, white haired woman with a walker pointed at Wally. Or rather, the both of them.

"I knew it! Sherwin, you owe me twenty!" she continued.

"What?!" Wally exclaimed, and then Barry, who had someone ended up beside them, bent down to tell his nephew,

"Apparently a handful of people have been making bets on which grandkids are gay, and currently you are holding onto 'Rick's sleeve and with her eyesight I'm sure she sees it as you two holding hands."

"Oh come on," Wally exclaimed, mortified. He quickly let go of Dick's sleeve. "We're not a couple!"

* * *

YOUNG JUSTICE SEASON 3! ITS HAPPENING!

REJOICE WITH ME! LET'S THROW PARTIES, SHOOT FIREWORKS, CELEBRATE PEOPLE!

THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO NOTIFIED ME OF THIS!

STAY TUNED FOR MORE CHAPTERS


	3. Chapter 3

Shooting Barry a betrayed look, Wally grabbed Dick by his shirt and practically hauled him upstairs, ranting the entire time. Once on the second floor, they passed more kids milling around, many carrying food and drinks, all headed in the same direction as them. A long hallway extended down with 3 bedrooms branching off, and at the end of it was a door.

"Attic." Wally explained, opening it to reveal a narrow, dark stairway. He'd said the word like a person would say 'Sanctuary'.

Donnie appeared at the top of the staircase, gesturing for them to hurry up and yelled, "Hey guys, Wally's here!"

There was a melodramatic sigh from Wally, and he let go of Dick's shirt. When they finally entered the attic, it was actually pretty cool. There was a large window seat on the one wall, a bunk bed tucked into the corner, a messy couch and tv setup, a few cushiony chairs, along with beanbags and nests of fluffy blankets placed everywhere on the floor. The lighting wasn't the greatest, and it was pretty dusty; boxes and old furniture were all pressed against one entire wall, stacked almost to the ceiling. Kids ranging from approximately 10 to 18 years old were either sprawled on the seating arrangements or attacking the food and drinks. There was a wrestling match going on for the tv remote, with an audience who kept throwing popcorn and pretzels at the opponents.

At least half of the room yelled a 'Heyyy!" or raised their drinks in greeting upon spying Wally.

A curly brunette haired girl, probably twelve years old, jumped up and gave Wally a huge hug; a handful of others within reach slapped him on the back or gave him a sideways hug, showing affection similar to Roy's style.

"This is Candi," Wally told Dick when she finally let him go,

"Hi!" she exclaimed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, blushing slightly. "Um, what's your name? You must be a friend of Wally's?"

Immediately noticing her tells and seeing a golden opportunity, Wally enthusiastically told Candi, "This young handsome stud here in Rick, a good friend of mine to is a year and a half older than you, I'll bet you two crazy kids have a lot in common! Why don't you both grab a soda and chat?!"

Dick shot Wally a deadly look as he was shoved towards Wally's cousin, knowing exactly what the speedster was up to.

Someone from earlier then yelled, "Don't do it Candi, he's already spoken for!", resulting in all the older kids busting up.

"You're a jerk Aiden!" she yelled, blushing.

"Hey! Now that the Wall-man is here we can do our annual 'Is Wally The Kid Flash or Not?' debate!" the teen, who Candi had identified as Aiden, yelled to the room. His proposal was met with cheers and laughter, while Dick gaped and Wally rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on guys, last year we had established that it was Alex!"

"Ya but Alex couldn't outrun Festus, and secret identity or not, if you have super speed you're gonna use it to escape that bull alive," Aiden pointed out.

Seeing the lost look on Dick's face, Wally said, "Festus is the bull in the field that you have to cross to get to the frog pond - you gotta be able to cross in 19 seconds cause he can do it in 20."

"Yo Aiden, we going or what dude?!" Jamie asked, heading towards the door.

"Where?" Candi wondered as Aiden hopped up to follow.

"Frog pond."

"Can I come?"

"Can you cross the field in 19 seconds?"

"…No."

"Then maybe next time - anyone else who can haul ass across the field in 19 seconds coming?!"

2 girls, Alyssa and Haven, said they wanted to go, plus Wally added himself and 'Rick'.

"Can little Rickie cross the field in 19 seconds?" Jamie teased.

"I guess we'll just have to see," Dick quipped, crossing his arms at the sarcasm.

"You coming, Mel? Or will you have Tumblr withdrawals?" Jamie asked a girl with on her laptop in the corner, who had wearing a Doctor Who shirt and had dyed blue hair.

Eyes not leaving the screen, she replied, "I hate all of you."

Jamie shrugged. "Eh, fair enough.'

5 minutes later they found themselves downstairs with nets and plastic containers, after leaving a bunch of put-out kids in the attic who couldn't cross the field in 19 seconds. As the small group bolted out the front door, turning deaf ears to the adults beckoning for them to join the conversation, they barely managed to not run over someone. To be more specific, what looked to be a government type someone approaching the front door.

"Sorry man," Wally told him while they were all given a cold look from the stranger.

"I am DEA officer Smith, I need to inspect this farm for illegal growing drugs," Smith replied, literally looking down his nose at the group.

"Sure, all the adults are inside if you want to talk to them," Aiden told him, "But don't go into that field over there…"

Smith suddenly verbally exploded, yelling, "Listen boy, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" while they stared at him in shock. Smith whipped out his badge from his back pocket and shoved it in Jamie and Wally's faces, since they were at the front. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land! No questions asked or answers given! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!"

Doing his best Drake Bell impression, Wally went, "Whoa man, take it easy," and the officer stormed to the front door, knocking forcefully.

Dick ended the video he had secretly been taking and sent it to Roy, then scurried along with the cousins.

"He's gonna go into the field, isn't he," Wally said.

"Yep." Jamie replied.

"Wanna go to the hayloft and watch?" Aiden asked; Wally grinned like the Cheshire Cat; "You read my mind."

Up in the hayloft they had a perfect view of the field and the most likely escape routes the DEA would have to take. After talking briefly to Nana, who waved a wooden spoon at him afterwards, Smith made a beeline to the fenced off field. He walked around for about 10 seconds, looking behind a bush when there was suddenly very loud screaming; Smith took off like a bat out of hell as Festus did his best to run him down.

Everyone started busting up, and Wally yelled at him, "YOUR BADGE, SHOW HIM YOUR EFFING BADGE!"

* * *

I don't like this chapter I hope you do! I'm hating all of my writing right now lol

HOORAY FOR THE CONFIRMED NIGHTWING MOVIE!

Thanks for all your lovely reviews, support, and patience! I'm thinking of doing a youtube channel, anyone be interested in me answering reviewer questions, responding to stories, reviews, and anything in between?

HAPPY SPRING!


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